


You’re not Alone

by Pastel_Deku



Category: Rapunzel's Tangled Adventure (Cartoon)
Genre: Eugene Fitzherbert cares, Forgiveness, Friendship, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Team Awesome needed a good moment, Varian Needs a Hug (Disney), Varian Redemption (Disney)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-21
Updated: 2020-03-21
Packaged: 2021-02-28 20:06:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,303
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23242981
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pastel_Deku/pseuds/Pastel_Deku
Summary: Corona may have forgiven Varian for his actions, but he has yet to forgive himself. Secrets are revealed, and he just needs someone to be there for him.
Relationships: Eugene Fitzherbert | Flynn Rider & Varian
Comments: 6
Kudos: 199





	You’re not Alone

The nightmares are always there. Plaguing his mind over what he had done to Corona. Even when working on new projects, his mind would never turn off in the way he wanted to. When he had proven himself to Corona and shown that he could be good, there was a weight that lifted off his chest, and even just for a moment, he was peaceful.

...until everything with Cass had occurred.

Was it his fault? Of course it wasn’t....was it?

He couldn’t stop blaming himself no matter how hard he tried. The others may have forgiven him, but he hadn’t forgiven himself. Not by a long shot.

Every single mistake that would happen was his fault whether he was connected or not.

And if you asked him how all of this had started, he wouldn’t have a proper answer.

Varian wasn’t stupid; he knew that doing this to himself could have serious consequences...but he couldn’t stop.

It stated with pinching.

Every time anxiety would spark in his chest or his self-loathing became just a bit too much, he would absentmindedly pinch the skin on his arm to the point of bruising. The teen didn’t think much on it - after all, his gloves covered most of his arms and he would just tell himself to be more careful next time.

It was simple, right?

Eventually the pinching evolved into scratching. And while he would still pinch himself, Varian’s arms were often covered in irritated red marks. Sometimes he wasn’t even doing it for an exact reason. He might be working on a new formula, and the stinging burn on his skin would keep him grounded and concentrated on the task at hand.

It really wasn’t a problem.

It really wasn’t...

Until it was.

The alchemist had several different breakdowns at different points - when his father was encased in the amber, when he kidnapped Queen Arianna, when he realized his mistakes...

The list could go on, even if he would reassure that he was fine.

Varian knew that he wasn’t doing a very good job of hiding how he felt. After all, he was really tired. He noticed the worried glances that Rapunzel would give him, or when Eugene would hesitate before leaving him for the night...how Lance would look concerned whenever Varian’s patience wore a bit thin and he would snap.

The teen would feel horrible whenever that happened, which only gave him more of an excuse to take it out on himself.

Maybe it wasn’t fine...

But he deserved it.

Now, blood was something that terrified him.

He knew the science behind the endorphins that would be released when you hurt yourself, but blood just seemed a bit too much. The sight made him feel queasy and lightheaded to the point where he has been known to faint at times. Besides, what would happen if he actually did some serious damage to himself?

‘ _But that’s the whole point of doing what I’m doing to myself now..._ ’ He thought bitterly to himself for a brief moment.

After all, he wasn’t doing all this for his own enjoyment, no, he _deserved_ it. ‘ _If no one else is gonna do what needs to be done, then I guess I will..._ ’

The teen hastily looked around his lab, his whole body shaking as his light blue eyes landed on the small knife he normally used for cutting plants and such.

‘ _This is stupid...really stupid..._ ’ But he didn’t stop; the teen fumbled with pulling his glove off and grabbing for the knife before hesitating again.

He was already starting to feel lightheaded as he stared down at silvery object, a knot forming in his stomach as he processed what he was about to do.

‘ _No...no. Don’t think about it..._ ’

But he was thinking about it. Even as he brought the blade down to the surface of his forearm.

The first cut wasn’t bad; it was more of a scratch since his hand was shaking so much and he was so scared. There wasn’t any blood.

He took a breath, but that only seemed to make things worse as he started to second guess himself again.

‘ _It could scar...’_

_‘You’ve probably left scars on others. Figuratively and physically.’_

_‘Someone could find out...’_

‘ _They wouldn’t care.’_

_‘...I could die...’_

‘ _Then...your mistakes would be paid for._ ’

That was it. His internal battle with himself was over as all his self-hatred was bubbling over. He did deserve this. It wasn’t meant to be nice.

With that, the teen sliced down his forearm in almost a blind rage, wincing whenever he accidentally ran over a previous line.

By the time he was done, a broken sob left his throat as he threw the knife across the room. He could feel some drops of blood making their way down his arm, but he swallowed hard and forced himself not to look.

‘ _This is bad...what have I done what have I done..._ ’ Varian was barely able to control his breathing as he leaned against the wall, feeling the room spinning around him. ‘ _I feel so sick..._ ’

His eyes fluttered a few times before they rolled back into his head...

...and everything went black.

...

...

That was a few days ago.

When Varian had come-to again, he still avoided looking at his arm even as he got into the shower that night. He spared a glance when he was washing his arm off, but didn’t look long enough to see the amount of damage.

‘ _It’s fine...it’ll be fine. My gloves will cover everything anyways.._.’ The alchemist kept reassuring himself, but in all honesty he didn’t feel very reassured.

Being back in the castle surrounded by the others did make him feel a bit better though - even if he would wince every once in a while when his glove pressed against his arm.

He could tell that he wasn’t hiding it well.

Rapunzel would still look at him worriedly, and Eugene seemed to be growing more and more suspicious. Lance - well Lance straight up asked him what was wrong, to which Varian stuttered out that he was fine.

It was all hidden, a dirty secret...

...until it wasn’t.

The teen was trying his best to focus on his work, but his arm was burning. While he had gotten used to the feeling to a point, it was so _itchy_. He felt as he could pull his skin off it was so bad.

Letting out a groan of frustration, Varian glared at his arm as if it had offended him before taking his glove off. His eyes widened at the sight.

The cuts where puffy and irritated and probably infected.

“Stupid! Stupid!” He mumbled to himself. While he had been avoiding looking at his arm at all, he forgot the most basic factor: to clean his wounds.

He swallowed the lump in his throat as his eyes darted around his lab nervously to look for some kind of disinfectant. “Why didn’t I think about this?!”

Varian continued to frantically look around, and while doing so failed to notice Eugene making his way into the room.

“Hey Kid! Rapunzel was wonder if you finished-“ The brunette stopped short, his brow furrowing in confusion and slight concern as he took in Varian’s state, “you okay?”

The alchemist just about jumped out of his skin as he whirled around, knocking over a vile in the process. “Y-Yeah I’m fine...!” He flinches as the vile makes contact with the floor while hiding his arm behind his back.

Eugene cautiously steps further into the lab, his concern not letting up. “Are you sure? Because you seem really...jumpy.”

The teen tenses up further, tries to shrug it off. “Y-Yeah! You just startled me...”

The ex-criminal doesn’t seem too convinced, but doesn’t say anything else as he leans against the wall. “Alright...”

“A-Anyways...” He takes a breath to get rid of the stutter in his voice, “I got what Rapunzel wanted...” Varian moves to dig around through his things, practically keeping his left arm glued to his side the entire time.

Eugene watches him with curious eyes before reaching out with his foot and kicking the table a bit. “Oops.”

Varian scrambles to grab a vile that just about rolls off the table in the action, but accidentally exposes his arm in the process.

The teen freezes just as he catches the object and time seemed to freeze along with him.

He was silent. Eugene was silent.

“ _Oh, kid..._ ”

Varian continues to stare down at the vile in his hands, almost not acknowledging the way his shoulders had begun to shake with silent sobs wrecking his frame.

‘ _He knows...he shouldn’t care...but he’ll tell...but he shouldn’t care...the whole kingdom will think I’m crazy... **but they shouldn’t care...**_ ”

The alchemist was so caught up in his thoughts that he didn’t even notice the way that Eugene gingerly approached him and hesitantly reached out.

“Hey, hey, hey...Varian...” The brunette gently places a hand on his shoulder, trying to get the teen to snap out of his thoughts.

The alchemist finally lets an auditable sob escape his mouth as he slumps against the adult, his knees just about giving out under him if Eugene hadn’t grabbed onto him. “You’re okay...it’s okay-“

“But it’s not okay!” He yells, shoving himself away from Eugene, “I-I ruin everything! I don’t deserve anything!” Varian hugs himself tightly as breathing was starting to become difficult for him, “I-I don’t deserve anything...! Everything th-that’s happened is my fault a-and mine alone...!”

Eugene refrains from approaching him again and simply stays where he was, trying to think of how to comfort him. “Your arm...did you do that to yourself?”

Varian lets out another sob as he tenses further, holding his arm closer to his chest as Eugene’s question was wordlessly answered. “It’s nothing...I’m fine, r-really...”

If the situation wasn’t so serious, Eugene would have possibly rolled his eyes. “Look, I won’t judge you, I just want to make sure you’re okay...”

The teen hesitates more before looking defeated and letting his arms fall to his sides, facing more outwards so the brunette could see a bit.

Eugene doesn’t move from his spot, but observes what he could see. “That doesn’t look good...”

Varian laughs bitterly as he wipes his nose on the back of his uninjured arm. “I know...I didn’t mean for it to come out like this...” He still avoids making eye contact with his wounds, knowing from memory what they looked like. “I don’t even know why I did it...I hate it _hate it_. I-I won’t do it again...” ‘ _Not to mention the blood is too much..._ ’

The brunette sighs softly, still trying to choose his words carefully as he weighed his options. “Your arm needs to be cleaned...”

“I know...” He runs a hand through his hair, “it’s just- the blood and they just look...” Varian’s voice trails off as he swallows hard, “it’s really, _really_ hard for me too look at them...” The ex-criminal watches as Varian leans against the wall and allows his body to slide down the surface until he was sitting on the floor. “Besides, I-I deserve this...”

Eugene sighs again, though this time he moves over next to the teen and sits down . “You know, you might have had certain things coming for you at a certain point in the past, but you don’t deserve this.”

“How would you know?” The alchemist snaps, “you weren’t there when my father was encased in amber, you weren’t there when I used Rapunzel, o-or when I failed t-to talk Cass out of her p-plan...!” The more he continued the more he stuttered, struggling to speak without crying.

The room goes silent for a moment besides the soft sniffles of the teen before Eugene spoke up again.

“Because doing bad things doesn’t make you a bad person - not if you’ve changed.”

Varian huffs and wipes at his eyes in effort to stop his tears. “Yeah, haven’t heard that before...”

“It’s true though.” Eugene says, looking down at the younger man, “I’ve been a criminal most of my life, and heck, I’ve had thoughts of not wanting to be here anymore, believe me I have.” His eyebrows furrow as if he was dwelling on that statement for a few moments, “I don’t exactly know what’s going on inside that brilliant head of yours, but I’m here for you. You’re a good kid, Varian.”

And that was all it took before Varian finally let his walls completely down and let all of his emotions run free. He let his tears fall without a second thought. “I-I’m so-sorry...! I didn’t know what e-else to do and I w-was scared...I-I thought n-o one cared...”

“It’s okay...” The brunette hesitates as he figures out his wording, “Varian, we all care about you. More than you know. You’re an incredibly talented kid, and I don’t know what I’d do if something happened to you...” He tries not to, but in the end Eugene’s chocolate colored eyes end up wondering down towards Varian’s injuries which only causes more emotions to well up in the man’s chest.

The teen nods frantically and slumps against the ex-criminal’s shoulder as he continued crying. “I-It’s just...hard...!” 

“I know it is...but you’re not alone. We’ll be here with you every step of the way. I’ll be here for you.” He looks down at the alchemist with sincerity in his eyes, “You can talk to me no matter the time, and I’ll be there for you...”

Varian takes a deep breath and nods a little, trying to calm himself down and listen to Eugene’s words.

“ _They care about you...”_

_“They want you around...”_

_“Maybe...just maybe...you’re worthy of forgiveness...”_

_“ **They care about you...** ”_  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Now that the series is over, I decided Varian and Eugene needed a wholesome moment together. Their friendship wasn’t really talked about ever, so I wanted to do something for that.


End file.
